I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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