you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
