I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
