I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
