I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
