yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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