even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
