It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
