remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
