Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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