her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
