when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
