Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
