i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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