I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
