you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
