once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
