I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
