We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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