yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
