I wish my penis had an off switch
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
