he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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