the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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