I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
