I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
