I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
