dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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