I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
