I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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