bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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