I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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