my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
