There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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