So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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