i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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