ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
