32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
