I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
