she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
