In the future we'll all be gay
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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