Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bring me that man meat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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