From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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