so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
