she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
