I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
