You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is Oprah even human
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
