she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
