Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
