Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
