My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
