he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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