I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
