Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
