We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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