The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
